I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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