theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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