I just made out with a guy for $7.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
