how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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