Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
