Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
