You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
