Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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