she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
