Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize