this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
