I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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