you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
