good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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