You made me cry and you don't even care
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
