I met the friendliest cop last night
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
