my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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