He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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