that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize