I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
