i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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