I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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