I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
