Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
