I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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