Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize