I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you had me at cake vodka
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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