You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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