nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
