don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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