Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
