her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
