I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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