So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
