I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
