Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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