He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize