I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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