I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just forgot I was standing up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
