Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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