She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
