You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
