I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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