halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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