if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
