Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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