There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
