Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
