the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
