Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
