yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
