Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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