I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
