she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
