The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
