Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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