im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
