Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone came in the potted fern
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
