Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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