You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
