Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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