My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
