Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
