I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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