Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
