I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can Purell be used as lube?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
