You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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