I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
