how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
