I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Less talking, more tequila
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize