im six kinds of drunk right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
