OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
