it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
