My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
