Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
