I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
