Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
