bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
