i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
