i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
