If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
