So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
