just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
