Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
