ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
